The next topic is an engaged home and it dovetails perfectly with a simple home. Once you have simplified your home and schedule a bit, then you can focus on your primary ministry -- your family. I said this earlier but I will say it again. Your children are your primary mission field. I implore you to win your husband’s and children’s hearts by loving them as you love Jesus. Jesus said in Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” He also told this story in Matthew 25: 31 – 40 “ 31 “But when the Son of Man[d] comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. 32 All the nations[e] will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,[f] you were doing it to me!’”
Determine to take some time each day to be fully present with each of your children – put the phone away, close Facebook, turn the TV off. Think of the things that each of your children like to do. Jayson loves to play Mancala (a board game) and to snuggle, George likes to play video games, and Gary Nicholas likes to color together, play cars, and to snuggle. My husband likes to go for a drive together and get appetizers at a restaurant occasionally -- and of course spending alone time with me. It may be a sacrifice for you to do the things that your loved ones do – I hate video games but I am willing to share in that experience because it makes George feel loved that mommy does a few rounds of Angry Birds with him. And I often feel like I have 10 million things that need to get done around the house and taking time to snuggle with my boys could feel like an inconvenience but I consciously decide that it is more important to give my children the attention that they desire because I know that it makes them feel loved and when they feel loved then they feel secure in their relationship with me. And when they feel secure and loved by me, when I teach them about God who loves them then they can better conceptualize God. They trust me and they trust what I tell them.
Additionally, when I know that they have had their “love tank” filled I don’t have to feel bad when I have to say that mommy is busy right now and I cannot play but we can play later. They trust me that I will play with them later.
One of the best ways to engage your child or your husband is to speak their love language. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman was a life-changing book. My husband’s mother gave it to us right before we married and I am ever so grateful that she did. It was so eye-opening. It helped us discover how to love each other well by understanding how each of us best feels loved. So, in case you have never heard of love languages before, there are five: 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Acts of Service 5. Physical Touch
Here are the definitions from the website – 5lovelanguages dot com.
Words of Affirmation
· Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
· In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
· Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
· Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
· This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
If you are still not sure of your own love language, you can go to Dr. Chapman’s website and take a quiz to find out what your primary love language is. The website is 5lovelanguages.com. There are also quizzes for children to take so that you can find out what your child’s love language is. Just click on the assessments tab.
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